Today, I need your support.
It’s not really something I like to share with anyone. I think I feel too stuck right now, though.
Since being a kid I had both physically and emotionally abusive parents, towards me and they were also like that towards each other.
I developed anxiety and panic attacks as a child. As well as OCD that I only have been diagnosed with a couple of months ago.
My teenage years were full of anxiety, panic attacks, depression, self-harm and an eating disorder. Which at that time I didn’t understand at all, I had no idea how to deal with it all either.
After turning 18 I started to run away even more from my problems. I moved out of my parent’s house and lived in maaany different places.
Since moving back to my parents in August, due to financial problems and my mental health, it’s been a mixture of up and down times.
I have finally found a great therapist in November and started CBT for anxiety & panic disorders which led to agoraphobia.
Christmas this year was challenging. And every week since things have been getting worse.
This week has been particularly challenging.
I can deal with the verbal abuse, I’m used to it, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.
But I never learned how to deal with the physical one. Especially now that I’m 20 years old. It makes me feel like a useless, worthless child again.
But at the same time I know I’m going to be okay, somehow.
After it passes all there’s left though it’s fear. It’s like waiting for the volcano to erupt. I’m walking on eggs shells and that actually feels so much worse than the abuse!
My anxiety and OCD make me feel even more overwhelmed and make it harder for me to feel okay again. It feels like my body is stuck and I can’t move, but my mind is racing so much!
This page has been my motivation to get better and to help others. Because of this group, I got out of my ‘mild’ depression. I’m seeing a therapist. I finally am changing and I actually want to change. I’m definitely getting better.
It makes me extremely happy to know how many of you this page has also helped!
But sometimes, it still can be sooooo hard.
I need your help.
And all I’m asking is just for some kindness.
Sometimes when you’re so caught up in the moment it’s hard to see if it ever will get better. I know it will, I hope it will!
Sometimes you try to tell yourself all these positive things, but when things are getting constantly worse you start to forget about them.
I also am moving rooms right now, therefore, it feels like I don’t really have my ‘happy’, safe place in the house which is probably why things are getting so much to me.
All I’m asking for is just some kind words, any helpful tips to get through this, any happy music to listen to, literally anything, please💜
Spread the kindness.