“I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar type 2. I’m 29 and struggled since childhood. My mind has never been normal and it’s a tiring daily struggle. It’s frustrating but it’s my life.
On my worst days, I can’t wash, I stay in my pajamas and sleep. I look up morbid videos about death and everything is really just black I’ve also had eating issues in the past but it’s not as bad as once was. I hear things sometimes and can get so paranoid. I once thought people were following me and recording my moves.
On my good days, I feel buzzing. So warm. Dress better and talk more. So many plans but it can get irritating cause I get very disorganized. I have an urge to go out more and party. But I think the cause of the meds I’m on now (Seroquel and Prozac) my stomach can’t take it. So in a way that’s a plus!
I can see why I developed BPD. My childhood wasn’t the worst but not the greatest my dad was an alcoholic and absent a lot of the times and there were fights.I was bullied in school. And I was already over sensitive.
I’m really proud that I have made it to 29 as I’ve been on the brink many times. I just really wish I had more to show for myself.
What I’m thankful for is that as I’ve got older the intensity of my BPD symptoms have reduced but I can still have the occasional flare up. They say BPD can improve with age so there’s hope! My bipolar type 2 is still hit and miss at the moment but I’m hopeful.
I look fine and sometimes I feel amazing but it never lasts and it makes it hard to be in education or a job. I really wish the workplace and educational institutions understood mental illness better or even at all because it would make everyone’s life easier.
We all struggle. Just some people need more than a hand to stand back up when they fall.”