“I live with Bipolar Disorder, Anorexia and Bulimia. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with depression.
I was about 10 years old and I didn’t quite know what these feelings meant. I knew I was different in some way, I knew that. So I told some people I had depression. Maybe, or maybe not I wanted attention. But if I did, I guess it was the help kind that I needed.
So I got bullied for a while because people said I was a liar. And it suddenly got worse when I was 12. It started from occasionally having suicidal thoughts all the way up to always having them, non-stop. But I never thought I’d actually kill myself until I was later diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.
I started to cut but I didn’t realize what a bad thing it was to do. But I still do it, despite the help I’ve got. It sucks how I have to go to therapy and go to special lessons at school. I know it’s supposed to be for the best but knowing I need help makes me feel worse.
Today, for example, I decided not to eat for a week and exercise as much as possible. I failed because I was with my friends at school who kind of forced me to eat something otherwise they’d tell a teacher. I felt so shit that I failed so easily. But don’t get mad at your friends if they want to help. You may be mad at them for making you eat or stop self-harm. But it is good that they help.
Remember… HELP! It helps… help is good. Remember that even though you may so desperately want to be perfect or die or whatever it is you have, it’s a bad thing. It will do no good. You don’t have to be skinny to have a great life. Believe me, there are so many people out there who want to die or want to be skinny. They are always looked at as if they had problems. We don’t have problems, but we can fix this. We can fix whatever this is. It is not good and it won’t get you anywhere.
I’m still struggling, though… I guess it’s good I am bipolar now rather than always depressed because I can just read back at this and remember it won’t always be this way.”