“I’d love to say for sure I have, depression and anxiety and maybe a panic disorder and an eating disorder. But I can’t for sure say that because unfortunately I am not diagnosed and I’ll tell you why.
From the moment I was born I was put out into the world to be perfect. When I was born I had 2 older siblings. My sister who is 12yrs older. And my brother who is ten years older. They screwed up really badly with my family and there lives (drugs and addiction).
So my mom basically made me out to be the perfect one. I am the only person who can bring this family some “good” well. It’s extremely hard trying to be perfect every moment of my life. I struggle to do little tasks like everyday things without anxiety. The reason I can’t get diagnosed is because that would interfere with me being little miss perfect. I am supposed to not do drugs, drink, smoke, go to parties, or be LGBT and be around any friends who do any of that.
Which gets to my next point (I’m the small girl in the picture the other girl is my best friend) when I was 10 years old I found out I was LGBT. I looked at girls differently than I did boys. God, I felt so gross and weird. I ended up telling my best friend (in the pic) when we’re 12. We have been together since we were ten and we’re so close now we can practically use telepathy on each other. This girl has been my life saver. Everyday I and my mom continue to fit over dumb things but they matter to me. She helps me get through it. One day we plan to live together but I don’t know. She promises she’ll get me out of this horrible house, no matter what it takes.
I didn’t mention also that my mom is an alcoholic and she split up with my father when I was 3. Every time my mom is horribly drunk she is angry.
When I was also three my dad’s brother moved in with us (my uncle) and he supports us. He has raised me more than my own father. Well, he still continues to live with us and they fight every time my mother is drunk. It’s horrible. I lock myself in my room usually without dinner. Recently I haven’t been eating dinner about 4/7 days per week because my mother is screaming and I refuse to stay down there and listen to Her.
I absolutely wish I could get diagnosed and be put on meds but I just can’t risk hurting myself more.”
