“I have Borderline Personality Disorder or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.
People sometimes will look at me and think every word or action coming from me is a way of me manipulating them. When I never have the intention of doing so.
I’ve felt mentally ill since I was 14. it’s been a tough ride of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and behaviours, risky and harmful behaviours. Many times I’ve felt extreme happiness and content thinking I can accomplish anything and then I crash down and feel like a failure.
If anyone was to see me on the street they’d probably think ‘What a happy woman’ but what people don’t understand is everyday there’s a different mask depending on my mood, and when they find out I have a mental illness they find it hard to believe so they think I’m making it up. Including my own family.
However, those who love me and have researched into my illness and tried to understand it and have completely understood where my symptoms come from and why they happen and how to help me. I think to end this stigma, people should do more research when it comes to each illness separately. So why put a label on a mental illness when not everyone is like this or that?! I’m sick of being told there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m perfectly fine to work, or someone saying I’m faking it or that I’m manipulating anyone around me… I’m not evil! And I’d love to be able to work!
Everyday I have to try and distract myself from any triggers that might lead me to self-harm or be suicidal. I have to keep telling myself that my loved ones won’t abandon me, that they love me and wouldn’t hurt me.
Right now what is helping me is my friends. They know me very well and know when I’m going through switches or mood changes and they are learning how to deal with certain moods and how to lift them up.
Keep strong, keep safe, someone out there loves you and would be lost without you. Smile for the good experiences and good times you’ve had and never give up on yourself.”
