Sometimes I just feel so lonely.
Being in a house with very negative, narcissist people can be challenging. Sometimes all I want to do is to please them. But yes, nothing really works, not for longer than like 5mins. Then I just feel silly for trying.
Or even silly just for writing this. I’ve got a cold. & That gives me weird emotions and I sort of want to feel loved or even just a little welcome in this house. Y’know a little less like an intruder but more like a family member, maybe?
I’ve never fitted well into this family.
Sometimes, I just get a little upset about it all. If my family was actually supportive, my anxiety wouldn’t be as high. My exposures would be going far more easily and quicker. Which would mean I would’ve been out of the house quicker too.
But it’s not like that. & I do try to accept that. I know that because it’s so much harder, in the long term it’s going to make me soo much stronger!
I also know if I wasn’t a little poorly right now I wouldn’t even feel or think about these things.
I usually cope just fine! But I can’t change the way they behave towards me. But I can change my expectations and perspective.
I know that the actual issues are that I need to love myself more! Feeling like this just reminds me that I need to do that more right now.
Feelings are only temporary. I’ve felt lonely. Now it’s time to look after me & give myself some love and care:) <3
K. <3
