Melanie, 23, UK

12607300_10153824743720309_1977302578_n“I am a suffer from many mental disorders. anorexia, bulimia, anxiety and bipolar.
I have/am suffering from an eating disorder. Since I was 14 years old I remember having such negative views of my worth and my being that I thought starving myself and punishing myself of life’s enjoyment would make me a better person? However my physical appearance is just a side effect of the disorder, the mental torture I suffer is the real illness. It’s not about being skinny because even when you’re so underweight you have to be tube fed you still don’t feel skinny!
But please DONT say “if you think your fat I must be obese” because anorexia is a brain disorder, you only have this utter hate and disgust towards yourself.

I also have severe anxiety. Some days I can be brave enough to get out the house but sometimes I also can disappear and make myself so alone because the world is too scary and I feel like I can’t do the simplest of tasks. Imagining being out and losing your eye sight, shaking and being physically being sick because of your so worried..paranoid..scared about …YOU DONT EVEN KNOW??
I also have bipolar this means I have extreme highs and the most depressive lows. In my highs, I loose touch with reality and have visual and auditory Hallucinations(that’s right I see things that aren’t there). I make reckless choices, I can go days without sleep… I’m deliriously … Then in my lows, I feel so depressed and alone and have no hopes and dreams that I have tried ending my life.

Imagine every second of every day you hate yourself, imagine feeling like you are not worthy of friends or love or even life? Imagine crying yourself to sleep… Imagine hoping your life would end? I have spent many years in and out of the hospital. Had to give up on school, college and life.

To stay “living” I have to take medication that I will most likely be on for the rest of my life. I have to have regular doctors and regular therapy.. My life will be a constant battle with my own head and yes I will relapse and struggle but I am trying to live as happily as possible.

But look at me? Would you think I was in your eyes “crazy” and not “sane” probably not?
Remember that mental disorders can happen to anyone.

If you or anyone else is struggling please seek help and give support.
We get one life we need to live it.”


1 Comment

  1. I also have bipolar and anxiety. Strength and love to you xx

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