By doing this I realised how much I missed photography and even just editing photos.
I realised that (apart from trying to be artistic on Instagram) I haven’t actually done any photography (my camera broke last year)!
But tonight, even just updating, and going through all those photos has given me a great joy!
Balance. Just as I think my life is becoming a little more balanced, something happens.
I’ve read and spoke about it to people around me. I’ve found something that seemed to be most helpful.
Basically, you want to notice what actives you do throughout the day that gives you the feeling of achievement, and what other ones give you pleasure, ‘fun’ factor. (I’ve done that before, wasn’t helpful, just found it really pointless..)
BUT then after you’ve done that for a week, actually go further, and plan your day that it involves both pleasures and achievements!
Ahhhhh, that was a massive eye opener to me. Made me realise that I didn’t really care about ‘pleasure’, I don’t like procrastination, I’d rather be busy and get things done. Even if I’m watching something I’m most likely doing at least two other things.
I realised that I actually feel pretty guilty a lot, I don’t really allow myself to enjoy something for long or at all.
I soon felt like I was getting the hang of allowing myself to have ‘pleasure’ activities planned as well as still doing things that made me feel good and like I’ve achieved something.
Then something happened (PMS is a bitch) making me feel more sluggish and depressed than before. So thinking my actives that were ‘fun’ weren’t so fun anymore. And things that I achieved didn’t seem fulfilling enough.
Anyway, that sort of brought me here. The past week allowing myself to take it easier, meditating (every day for 31 days now, whoop!!) and doing yoga at least once a day, reading, and ‘taking easy’. Yet my achievements didn’t feel like achievements anymore and neither did my pleasures felt pleasant.
That brings me to today, feeling even more worn out. Thinking that watching a documentary (Blackfish) would make me feel better? You know, like when you’re sad and then you make yourself sadder by watching or listening to something sad and then you’re happy again?!:D Well, yeah, it didn’t quite work like that today;P It left me to feel so much worse that I didn’t expect much from myself at all. I ended up doing some art (which my OCD fucking loves). Then went over to my photography page, realised how long it’s been since I’ve posted! I then uploaded new photos, then organised all my photos, and it was actually AMAZING! That was the only thing I focussed on and because I haven’t done it in so long, it felt great! It gave me ideas for some new edits too:)! It gave me a lot of sense of pleasure but also achievement!
That bring me back to balance. How you can’t expect to do the same things and always feeling the same way! So obvious, yet so easy to forget. I’m not really having a balancing life if I’m always doing the same things! Things are bound to get boring or just not as satisfying. At least till I do something else! And balance new with old! Achievement and pleasure!
I have also missed writing. I’ve almost been waiting till I feel ‘good’ to write a post something. But then when I feel good, I am occupied with different things, and making the most out of the ‘good’ feelings/situations.
The truth is, when I used to write, almost every single day, things weren’t great, but I could’ve always found something, okay, within that. I also miss doing that. Rather than waiting for the ‘perfect’ moment to write, I just did it. But time passed and it developed to me writing every so often, some of those times not as positive as others.
Then waiting for the time that things are ‘good’ and I can write again and help people. And I guess I realised that this isn’t going to happen. Waiting for the perfect time to do anything, is just putting it off!
Therefore, I do want to start writing more, whenever I feel like it. And believe me, I always have something to say!
So I’m learning to balance things. A lot of new things are coming up in my life and it’s proven to be all exciting and scary time. Full of changes! But I still want this blog to be helping me as well as others!
I hope you’re all doing great:)!!