“I have suffered from 23 years of narcissistic abuse and parental neglect that helped me develop Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), which basically means that my mind developed to expect the worst and to assume my life had no reasonable value in a world that offered nothing save abrasive hostility.
In other words, life has been a struggle for most of my waking experience. However, I didn’t even realize how dysfunctional everything was because I was raised to accept it all without even knowing there were alternative ways of living that didn’t involve being verbally and psychologically abused everyday.
So what helped me flip the script? Well, my father tried to rape one of my sisters, stalked my family upon being kicked out of the home, and committed suicide right before my sophomore year in high school when I was 14-15 years old.
I then spent the following 10 years working tirelessly to overcome severe depression, thoughts of suicide, hopelessness, and soon as I struggled to create a new comfort for myself. Now granted the rabbit hole ran A LOT deeper than I originally thought considering how narcissism, psychopathy, CPTSD, and more weren’t even a part of my vocabulary. But I eventually cut any and all ties with my biological family because they simply did not want to accept the notion I was struggling in life because they failed to provide a nourishing, comforting, secure, warm, and loving environment for all involved.
So after 10 years, two self-published books, and enough sweat and tears to fill the Grand Canyon (okay, maybe not THAT much but definitely a kiddie pool), I’ve been doing much better. Why? Because I’m no longer entwined with abuse, and the second book I published covers the techniques and methods I have personally used to create an entirely new life for myself. The first shows how I turned out so screwy – let’s face it, a mind that constantly treats its owner like garbage is not helpful in the least bit.
But thankfully I don’t struggle as much as I used to consider I went full hermit. I.e. focused on working, eating, and sleeping as opposed to developing or maintaining relationships because I simply didn’t trust myself enough to share space with others in a healthy and balanced manner. After all, most of the people in my life weren’t the best humanity has to offer in terms of being friendly. So to the mind noodle, my only option for a living was to keep my head down in order to diminish the likelihood I would be abused for simply existing.
Nowadays I socialize with strangers, listen to others with openness, and encourage others to pursue their dreams because I know anyone can succeed if I can. We all struggle in life, and thus we all know what it means to feel pain. However, we can also share the experience of gain. Why? Because I said so, that’s why. Just kidding! But seriously, we all share the same space and thus we’re all in this together.
So if you struggle at all in life, don’t beat yourself over the head because you don’t feel or think as though you are living as you could or should be. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have. So make mistakes, accept responsibility, grow, expand, be gentle, be kind, have courage, and be proud of the fact you have a life because life itself is rare in this universal turd we call reality.
If you’d like to know more then check out my books which are available for purchase through both Kindle and Nook. You should also check out my blog where you can read about my progress, as well as download FREE versions of my books which are available in Mobi, Epub, and PDF formats. Enjoy and many blessings! 🙂
Blog – Blessings from Our Mother: A Journey of Personal Healing ”
