17th July, UPDATE; Surprise, surprise, parents aren’t splitting up!! This whole process has happened so many times, I should’ve known. This time their reason is mainly because of the ‘money’. I mean, they always can and will find an excuse.. My dad is now back from being away for a week. I gotta say that week was one of the most peaceful ones I remember!
His only been back now for the past few days and it’s chaotic all over again. The insults are back, shouting, arguments, the ‘normality’.
Which I am frankly so sick of. Walking on eggshells is bloody tiring!!! Hearing shit from the people that supposed to love and care about you isn’t pleasant either.
My therapy hasn’t been going great.. I’m basically now left to myself to get better. So I’m back with more exposures for panic disorder, which are more intense & more frequent. Which is also super tiring. But it’s challenging me and I just need to remember to not push myself too much too fast.
I’m basically really tired right now with most of the things in my life.I’ve been hitting the low points a lot more often recently. But there is still some spark of hope left within me.
I am hoping to be growing this website more. Being able to help others gives me strength! I believe in all of YOU! And now I’m actually working on believing in myself too! I am so grateful for all the support you always give me! It means so much more than you could ever imagine, it keeps me going! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I hope you’re doing well! Remember, you’re amazing & you deserve all the best!
It just hit me that my parents are actually separating.
I almost understand why it took them so long to make this decision. This process of what’s next is proving a lot harder to everyone!
Two people who not only live together but have a business together!
There are so many unanswered questions. Who’s moving out? Where to? What about work? Everyone’s moving out? What the fuck will I do??? Where will I go???? When is my therapy going to fucking start???
I literally don’t know the answer to any of those questions.
It’s just a waiting game now. Which is so frustrating!
Everyone’s walking on egg shells. Anything can make people kick off. And I feel like everyone’s just sinking lower and lower.
Oh, and it’s my birthday soon too. History of my birthdays has been a bit weird. Not sure why that is. There just seems to be a lot of going on before it. Everyone’s occupied with their own problems and I understand that.
I’ve got myself a couple of new books ordered and I’ll call them my ‘birthday presents’ because this might be another year that I’d be the only one to give myself presents. But that’s how I learn to appreciate the little things in life. & I’m extremely grateful that I am able to even just get that for my birthday.
Birthday’s have always been a time for reflection for me. No matter how old I’ve been I’d always look back on the year behind. Most of the time it was scary how fast it’s gone, and it felt like I never quite accomplished anything good…
This year, I definitely didn’t expect to be living back at my parents. The year flew by again, but I have achieved at least some things, right?
I might write another post focusing more about that.
But for now, you can expect me to hibernate from social media.
(Which I’m really sorry about! It annoys me so much but everything seems so overwhelming right now! I am really trying to get through messages & emails, please bear with me)
If you’re reading this, you’re a wonderful person! & I hope you have an amazing week!
Look after yourself!😚
Spread the kindness.💕
If you ever need to talk and have some support, you know how to find me (I’ll give you some extra contact info by message), My parents are divorced, so I can relate to the feelings you might experience right now as the household is breaking down.
Remember that you are in no way responsible for their choices in life, and that ultimately, you must live your life as best as you can, for your own wellbeing. If that means being offline, do so.
Find something to replenish your inner energies & strength. Offering yourself these books is one such a thing, and reading them will bring some positivity as well.
I do think you’ve accomplished a lot and have worked on your mental health. Don’t let guilt overcome you. You had to live with your family : your parents signed a contract with you when they gave you life. The contract is to take care of you in times of need, and give you shelter should you require it.
You made this blog, and website to help others express themselves and share with the world like you did here and on youtube. I call that a huge accomplishment!
No worries for the delays in responding to my messages, I just send you short hellos and positive vibes because I want you to remember that you are cared for by many, and because I know how it can feel lonely to have no such messages of support.
I wish you recovery and freedom, and until then, I remain available for you.
As far as money is a consideration, it’s also one massive excuse not to split up and allow one another some distance and more peace of mind- and in the process, to everyone around them.
They grew sadly accustomed to the toxicity, and just like for many people, prefer it than the doubts of ”what-else.”
I hope you can profit from the summer and go out more often, partially for your exposures and also to get away from this atmosphere.
Also, can you, maybe, stop walking on eggshells – they aren’t do it for you, why should you? (might be easy for me to say, right? )
Don’t ever give up on yourself 🙂 you are a worthy person, to live, to heal, and to move on 🙂
As always, I’m here for you and send positive vibes and hugs <3