“I am undiagnosed officially but I am struggling with depression and possibly anxiety. I am trying to survive the workload of high school and junior year. I have a one day a week job as a lifeguard/swim instructor at an indoor pool as well as run a club started by my sister at my school. I fence for my school as well as outside of school and an active in several clubs. I have been a Girl Scout for a long time.
How I deal with it is by distracting myself especially with music… I often surround myself with positive upbeat people and that is actually very helpful until I’m alone. When I’m alone I just let my emotions free and often cry myself to sleep. No one knows except for a few internet friends but I would not suggest making internet friends most of the mine ended in heartbreak. But for a while it was nice… But really having anyone that you can text at 1 am when the thoughts of cutting are creeping up again who can talk to you and help you feel less alone is so helpful.
I have a few select things I love doing and when I’m feeling down I do those… This list has gotten smaller and smaller as my depression gets worse but the things still there help so much. I haven’t told my parents because I’m scared they won’t understand. This is all going on inside your head and it’s your own mind that’s betraying you; other people often contribute to the mental illness but it’s often in your head and no one else can see it.
Which is the worst part because people can’t tell most of the time and assume your fine or just having a bad day. That, in my opinion, is the worst part… That it’s your own mind betraying you and thinking these awful things because, in the end, it’s you who picks up that blade and cuts yourself, not someone else.”
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