“I am Braedon who growing up as a preacher’s kid moved and traveled
across eastern Canada.
Now, I am studying at St Stephen’s University in Saint Stephen New Brunswick. One of the 6 places I have lived at in my 22 years on this green earth. It will become my new home for the next 2 years as I finish my BA majoring in International Studies. So as I sit here in the university I reflect on my struggles, my story, and looking at the growth and healing that has gone on.
Depression has always been the best friend that was closer to me than anyone. It was there when I woke up, when I laid down, and in my dreams. It has been there since I was 11 or 12 years old. Never diagnosed until my second year of university and thus I thought I had nothing wrong with me. The diagnosis makes it real and a reason to the pain and suffering. But for many years I never knew there was a reason I just thought I was not ‘normal’ or some alien. Despite the diagnosis, I soon realized the next summer after many panic attacks that I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Another year later I received a further diagnosis that I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder (MDD).
Sadly, the diagnosis didn’t mean help or healing or easing the symptoms. Falling through two provincial health care systems, and losing the desire to go to counseling and not attending. I ended up suffering insomnia through the fall 2014 term which accentuated my mind’s battle. January 31, 2015, I actually attempted suicide.. I survived because I told friends. The months and years that followed saw lots of lows, highs, counseling, pain, and understanding that I am profoundly loved.
I hold near to faith in God as a Christian and despite having faith I still struggle some days. My church community has been amazing through it all, my family, and friends have all helped me integrate back into society. 8 months of not working (broken up after a job venture that was horrible) has given me the chance to return to school.
Recovery does not mean everything works out, everything will be fine, no bad days. Recovery is understanding we experience pain, hurt, and mental confusion to realize the bad days give way to the good days, to keep living because suicide causes so much pain. I saw it first hand after I survived.
You are profoundly loved no matter who you are, what you have done, or where you come from, you’re worthy to be loved and love someone.
Check out my blog about faith and depression at
https://insiderlookatdepression.wordpress.com/”
Twitter: @BPMacDonald
——————————————————————————————
PATREON’s THIS MONTH:
Stuart, https://www.flickr.com/photos/74009/
Harry, https://mindlessmuso.wordpress.com
Help the blog to exist; Become a patreon! https://www.patreon.com/ThisIsWhatAPersonWithMentalIllnessLooksLike?ty=h
