“I was diagnosed in 2013 with Anxiety and in 2014 I was also diagnosed with Depression.Before I was diagnosed with anything I always knew there was something wrong but just didn’t know what.
I always had this feeling inside of me that something “bad” was going to happen, something I couldn’t control. I didn’t know what was going to happen or who it was going to happen to, I just had it in my head it was going to happen. Over time I’d have these random intrusive thoughts that came out of no where. “I’m going to fail.” “Everyone is going to abandon you.” “You’re a waste of space.” I used to brush it aside and pretend it was just nothing, but the more I ignored it, the worse it got. Sooner or later, my social life was affected. I didn’t want to go out and see friends. I was always cancelling plans or pretending I was busy when asked to go out. I didn’t know why I was like this. I eventually looked up my symptoms and came across anxiety. Before I was diagnosed I barely know what anxiety really was. When I saw it online, I felt like I was reading about my life! I went to the doctor not long after and sure enough I was diagnosed with Anxiety.
Depression followed a year later. Over time I was dealing with my social anxiety better but I still had the feelings of being “worthless” and “useless”. I always felt sad and just wanted to cry. Worst of all this illness cut me off from people. I was foolish enough to listen to these thoughts. These thoughts told me not to tell people how I felt because if I did they would leave me. I believed it and kept it all to myself. This made me worse. Before long, I found myself in what I call my “darkest place.” I was self harming and abusing alcohol because these were my only way of feeling better. The best thing that came out of that situation though was I got caught. Realising how much I made my family and friends worry made me come to my senses. I realised I have to get some help. I went back to my doctor and got diagnosed with depression.
I’ve been on different medications since but what I’m currently now seems to be helping me a lot. Since that day though I’ve never self harmed or abused alcohol because when I even feel tempted to do that, I think of the people who are important to me and say to myself ” no, I’m not putting them through that again.” Over time, I’ve learned my own “Coping Methods.” My favourite one is writing. I’m always writing in my diary, writing stories, writing songs and it’s a great way to let off steam when things become too much. Music also helps. Sometimes I take a breather and just put on my headphones, put on a song I love and just relax and daydream.
My message to people out there suffering would be please don’t be afraid to open up to someone. Whether it’s a family member or a friend please don’t struggle alone. No one is going to judge you or think little of you. There is always people who care for you and there is always people who will listen.
You are not your mental illness. You are not your struggles. You are a human being. You are you. Recovery is a difficult journey but it is possible and sometimes you will hit little bumps along the way but you are strong and you will overcome them. You are all amazing, beautiful, unique people!”
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Hi Laura i am genuinely sorry you have been through such a terrible time,however through the pain i can see an immensely wise and caring character.I really hope your future is bright and full of hope,Simon.