***TW – Mentions self-harm***
“Ever since I was a child I have been different. I have never been able to make friends and I was heavily bullied. My Grandad was my best friend and i took the olive bar at my local supermarket over the chocolate aisle anyday, so I don’t really blame them. This led to me having very low confidence and I fell into a pit of depression as early as 6. I ran home every night crying asking mum why no one wanted to play with me. Every day she told me that the ugly goose always turns into a beautiful swan and that is what I lived my life hoping as a child.
At the age of 12 I took an attempt at my own life and started self harming and I also got diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. From the age of 12 to 18 my life was a blur; harming myself in every way possible which ended in huge trauma, taking drugs and binge drinking to deal with the pain, going out and not going home until I needed to drop, self-harming every time the emotion got too much and taking further attempts at my life. I was truly out of control and no-one apart from my family cared so it encouraged my path of self destruction.
At the age of 18 my life was turned on it’s head. Someone walked into my life. The anorexia was becoming less of an issue and I was enjoying food which was a revelation to everyone around me. 2017 was a year of self discovery. I got myself on the waiting list for psychiatrics and started helping myself into a new way of life through mindfulness and changing little things. I now eat healthily, have not self-harmed in over 6 months and have not drank for over 2 months.
I have finally been diagnosed with the impulsive type of Borderline Personality Disorder and I am researching into ways of recovery. You see, Borderline Personality Disorder is such an undermined mental illness that can prove life threatening if not treated, but I survive. I power on and ensure that I am not just another statistic.
I am still not well and I do not think I will ever be truly normal but that is the fun of it sometimes, I am endearing to people and pretty much everyone can relate to my story in some way.”
You can follow Honor Elizabeth’s healing journey on her blog, instagram or twitter.
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