***** TW: MENTIONS SUICIDAL TENDENCIES *****To be told I’m not worthy. That I don’t deserve to live. That I don’t deserve to breathe. All of my accomplishments she would shame me for, never being happy with how hard I worked if it didn’t benefit her. Giving her money from my small teenage jobs. All sorts. She drew the line for me when legal issues started kicking in. Things like using a debit card in my name for two years and running it into debt, owning a car uninsured and untaxed in my name, and having a knife to my face threatening to kill me. It’s been two years since we’ve last spoken. And I don’t regret it.
The problem is now I constantly live with this atmosphere. I still can’t handle critics and being told off at this age without feeling like death. I’m still discovering my recovery story, as recovery is not linear. In today’s world, I’m left very scared and constantly worried. My mind rambles and loses track consistently. Back when I didn’t understand it, I would self harm and even attempt suicide. But I’ve stayed clean for around three years thus far.
Today I’m starting to try new tactics. Going sober to hopefully stop a lot of my suicidal episodes and panic attacks, clinical psychology to suppress my issues finally and find more coping methods, on top of general adulthood (which is hard enough as it is). My Instagram documents my life experiences, thoughts and opinions. Just to get them out of my system and also to seek advice. As well as, at times try to give advice and at least make someone understand they’re not alone.”
You can follow Amy’s story on her instagram.
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