“I’m suffering from and have been diagnosed with depression, borderline personality disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. I’m a victim of physical and sexual abuse.
I don’t get how someone can do terrible things to me, and give me invisible scars. All I know is that after that day, my life changed. I just stayed in my room all day, didn’t go to class, didn’t talk, sleep, I shut people out. All I did was just asking myself “why me?”.
I started harming myself. I got addicted to it. I know it’s bad. I really want to end this mental pain. And I know I can’t share what happened to me with my family. Because I don’t want to hurt them. I guess it’s fine if only I feel hurt but not for the people I love. I felt worthless and useless and I’ve been thinking of ending my life.
It was hard for me. I lived alone far from my family. I kept everything to myself, alone. Because I thought I could make it better. But I was wrong and all I did just made it worse. I felt like i didn’t have someone who truly loved me, until, one day, I realized there was someone who always stayed with me and noticed that I was depressed. She talked to my parents and made them understand. And my parents told me to move back home and took me to see a psychiatrist.
Now, I’m still recovering from this. Well, it made me realize, that mental illness is serious, real , and it’s not a joke. And to people who suffer from mental illness, I want to say “You are not alone.” I understand why we feel alone, down and lonely, when we get depressed. It’s because we can’t see the good around us. All we feel is just gloomy, dark, cold and empty. but believe me, your family and your friends love you. Just give them chance to help you.
I know there is a lot of stigma, and people are going to be rude or make fun of someone suffering from a mental illness. When someone makes fun of me, calls me liar, freak or attention seeker I’m just going to ignore and forgive them. If i care about all they say to me, it’s not good for my mental condition. You are stronger than you think. Because we fight this unimaginable pain every single day.
I am still in recovery and need to learn that I need to forgive my self and people who hurt me, especially him. Not because he apologized to me, but because my soul deserves peace.”
You can follow Yashinio’s story on her instagram.
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