Renata, London/UK

**** TW: Mentions Suicide/Abuse/Rape ****

 

“Growing up, I was physically abused by my mum. I never knew anything different growing up, I just knew I wanted to escape it all. When I was 11 I tried to kill myself. I remember my mother coming into the hospital and telling me how stupid I was for trying and she just left. After two years of trying to be heard by anyone that my mum was abusive towards me, it was a struggle. My parents both denied all allegations and I was labelled a child with anger problems.

One day my dad eventually confessed that everything I had been saying was true. Eventually, a police enquiry was opened and my mum was asked to leave the household. Two days later she killed herself.

Things became difficult between me and my dad and I was eventually moved into care. This was a particularly difficult time in my life and to cope I began to abuse drugs and alcohol. During this time I was also raped.

Growing up, my dad and I have never been particularly close and it breaks my heart because he’s the only one I have left in my life.

Today I still struggle with handling my emotions. It’s always an up and down rollercoaster. One day I’ll be doing great, the next day I’ll feel suicidal again. It’s never ending. However, I feel slowly I’m getting there. I take a lot of medication each day and I see a therapist and a psychiatrist each week. I take the time each day to practice various forms of self care. Slowly but surely, I’m sure I will get better.”

 

You can follow Renata’s story on her blog and instagram.

 

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3 Comments

  1. April 9, 2019 / 4:08 pm

    You are so brave, thank-you for sharing and I’m so sorry you had to go through that, it’s heart-breaking.
    One step at a time girl, it’s amazing that you’ve told your story and are taking steps to help yourself. You’re a warrior, never forget that. <3

  2. Jae Hermann
    April 9, 2019 / 4:23 pm

    My heart goes out to you Renata. I was also abused by my Mom and subsequently also tried to take my life at 13 years old. I’m glad you’re in a better place now even though it’s still difficult at times. You are beautiful and strong with so many great things ahead. We are stronger together, the world needs you.

  3. April 10, 2019 / 1:58 am

    You are courageous. Thank you for sharing your story.

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