“Most people think about PTSD as it being a mental illness mainly for soldiers who were in a warzone and who saw terrible happenings in their time at war. We read and hear about depression and think that it is an illness for people who never smile, who cry all day long and who don’t make something from their lives.
What if I tell you I’m battling both these issues? What if I tell you that I have been in therapy for the last decade? What if I told you I came a long way with lots of ups and downs? What if I told you people judge me on a daily basis for advocating something they say I don’t stand for while I’m still visiting a psychiatrist twice a month, while I’m medicated, while I’m having anxiety attacks in a movie theatre or while I can’t stand if anyone touches only even my hand or upper arm? What if I told you I’m trying to lead my best life, but it’s a daily struggle? Would you believe me? Do you believe that I have the same nightmares with different happenings as those soldiers who returned home from war and saw people dying in front of them? Looking at my picture on this blogpost, do you believe that I even go through anything at all?
Many people don’t. So don’t worry.
We all have been through something in life. Some of us have lost a loved one at a very young age, some are still searching for their identity at an older age, some people have financial struggles or go through a terrible breakup. I went through my own things. They were bad and I have been traumatized in a way that I can’t fall asleep very often up until the point that I was awake for three days in a row and I couldn’t even tell which day it was anymore. I just couldn’t sleep. I had severe flashbacks up until the point that I woke up from one having a knife in my hands in the middle of my living room in the middle of the night with no one around me to help or to care for me.
I’m going through hard and exhausting EMDR therapy sessions for almost two years now. While being in therapy, I changed important things in my life that I never thought I’d be able to. For starters: I learned to appreciate myself and love myself and see myself as a valid, full person and not someone who is just good enough to abuse -which also resulted in me being a shy kid so I was later on also severely mentally and physically bullied by my classmates. I’ve learned to set boundaries, for every single person in my life. With this came the fact that I learned to respect myself step by step. I learned to be a business woman and I can tell that even now I also know that I will someday be a good mother as well. This is a huge deal since I never wanted kids because I was convinced I was going to be a bad mom. I have setbacks and I have bad days, I still have nightmares and I have anxiety and panic attacks. But I can tell you that the best thing I ever did was to take my life in hands and find my way to the psychiatrist who treats me now. Without her I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and even though I still feel damaged sometimes and not good enough for the world, I am being the best version of myself I’ve ever been. I hope one day I’ll get there. I will never be able to forget what I’ve been through and I can always get triggered, but I know that I’ll always can visit my psychiatrist and I’ll never have to get myself back up from scratch because I’ve come a very long already. I hope that one day I’ll be able to sleep without going through those terrible happenings all over again every single night.
Remember, guys, that if you see someone smile during the day, these same people can collapse at night. Make sure to treat every human being with the respect that you want to be treated with. Make sure that you’re there to give love, to do better in this world. And if you’re struggling yourself, please visit someone who can help you. I swear, it will only make your backpack filled with grief and sadness a lot lighter when there’s someone who’s guiding the way to enlightenment.”
You can follow Prudence on her Instagram and Facebook.
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We are so excited for our new segment called Meet the Mental Health Artist. Every fourth Tuesday we will share a story from a Mental Health Artist, where you’ll hear about their journey, how they got to where they are now and how creating (whether through music, graphic design, writing, painting etc) has helped/helps them through different mental health issues.
As well as this, we will have IG Stories Takeover in the week of when their story goes up with each artist, where you will be able to see more of what they get up to/behind the scenes, ASK any questions you may have about their creative media/work/inspirations/healing etc & get answers from them and generally, find out more about them, what they do and tips they have for maintaining their mental health. Prudence will be doing an Instagram Story Takeover on the 31st of July on our Instagram account.
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Check out our July advertisers for some great content: Stuart and The Extract.
If you’d like to advertise with us, please email kayska@yahoo.co.uk for more details.
