“I have lived with depression since early adolescence, and developed PTSD during college. Suffice it to say that I lived with a ton of self-blame, shame, and guilt. I did not think I was ever going to feel better, and every waking moment was filled with thoughts of suicide. I attempted a few months after graduating college. My coping skills were “stuck” at the age I was at when I experienced the trauma, and for me, that meant relying on substances to cope. Alcohol was my number one “coping” tool.
I quit drinking in April 2019 because I realized I had no idea how to cope with adult stressors sober. At first the decision was “temporary, until I figure out how to cope,” but honestly I don’t miss alcohol at all. I don’t want to go back to it. I never thought that I, of all people, would be able to say something like that.
I started a blog called Thoughts of Cozy. I am a queer 1.5 generation Filipino American, and I write about how my intersecting identities impact my mental health and recovery. This passion project is my way of challenging stigma and being the person I needed when I was younger.”
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