*** TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS SUICIDE ATTEMPT AND SELFHARM ***
“A year ago I was feeling very conscious about my life choices and having really bad self-image and confidence issues, thinking I was not good enough. Unless you have experienced it you won’t understand. I had this voice in my head and I would over-analyse – it would get to the point where I’d be having panic attacks and getting emotional, I would handle this by drinking. I would say, ‘You’re a man, sort yourself out,’ and just crack on with a smile, knowing that awful feeling deep inside.
Somebody who has everything to live for and to be grateful for amazing friends, beautiful family, great jobs, money and more, I just couldn’t see it in that moment. I just thought back and forth with this demon on my shoulder. Many times, it was just getting darker and darker, it affected my marriage and lifestyle, I dreamt about suicide but I didn’t do it, I tried a few times and self harmed. It was not good, it was not pretty, people who loved me I was pushing away and felt awful afterwards.
Honestly, looking at pictures from back then, makes me very sad, however something so positive came out of it; I managed to get myself out of the darkness and saw the light. Not only was I lucky to be able to confide in a very good friend and a family member, I came across the Samaritans, which saved me, by being able to speak about my experience and not feeling judged or pity. I felt like a weight was lifted. It definitely comes with age, when you stop caring what people think and you stop looking for validation from others life is so much easier.
I want people to know there is hope, life gets so much better, that you’re amazing, you’re loved and you’re not in the position to see that now but someday you will and don’t take that away from yourself.
Pain never last forever ❤💫
Be Kind! ⭐”
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